In the last two months or so, I haven't updated. I'm sorry. There's just been so much happening.
1. We got a new puppy. The cutest pit bull pup in the world, thank you very much. STILL trying to house-train him and teach him that people are not chew toys.
2. I've talked more to my grandfather's new wife more than I've talked to him. She'll IM me and talk for about 15-20 minutes, then put him on, and he'll talk for about five. I'm starting to think I was wrong about her, that she's not a gold digger above all. After all, if she was, why would she bother trying to mend the 'rift'?
3. Had to deal with my brother's one year deathday.
4. Have recently (within the last few days) become reaquainted with extended family members. April and I were pretty close as children. Nice to know we can still be friends, as well as cousins.
5. Dealing with emotional ups and downs that have no apparent patterns or reasons.
6. Have decided to become what my mom calls a 'cold-hearted bitch'. Sorry, I'm taking selfish time to try to get control of my own emotional issues without totally shutting down. I don't mind lending a sympathetic ear and all, but I can't solve other people's problems. My mom has been known to call me and say 'Talk some sense into Dale.' Now, it's 'Momma, why are you talking to me instead of him? He'll never know how you feel unless you tell him.' I know many people like to talk about their problems, because it helps them feel better. I'm the total opposite. If I talk about them, I tend to brood more about it. That said, I have to say, how is it selfish that I just want to deal on my own? And when trying to deal, I don't need to be caught in the middle of things?
7. I've also decided that when worrying about friends, family, etc., I'm only going to ficus on those who return the love, care, friendliness, and concern. I don't have time anymore to deal with those who only want me around when THEY need something, but couldn't care less if I fell off the face of the earth. Or worse, just shrug and say 'she shoulda been watching where she was going.' before returning to their lives. (Just to make it clear, no one who has or ever has had access to this blog fall into the ignored group. That was extra baggage to get off my chest.)
8. Alan's grandma had a ministroke. It wasn't bad and she was home within a week or so. Just a warning, I guess. For what, I'm not sure. We'll be going to Bama for Thanksgiving to check on her with our own eyes.
9. Alan's sister (who does fall into the ignored group) had a baby girl. Good for her. But excuse me for not jumping for joy about someone I was close enough to allow her in the room when Arielle was born...and even so, she forgot Arielle existed. Stupid. But maybe having a baby will make her accept responsibility and grow up. We can hope. Maybe her mom will stop enabling her. And just maybe the moon will fall into the Atlantic and create some monster waves and I'll become a surfer babe.
10. Went grocery shopping last night. OMG! Remind me not to do that unless I'm dressed grandma-style. I was wearing jeans, a pink tank top, and my blue courderoy/flannel long-sleeved shirt since it was supposed to cool down. I had FOUR teen boys hit on me. RME. Please, take them away! Hide them from people like me who have the bad luck to look like a teenager out doing the shopping for my mom. I'm twenty-six, NOT sixteen! I know, I know, one day I'll appreciate it. But yesterday wasn't it...not when I'm being asked to 'grab a burger' sometime. By the last time, I was fed up and got a little mean. Of course, an older gentleman (and I use the term loosely as he was really just a nosey old bugger) told me that if I wasn't nicer to the prospects, a young thing like me might never find a husband. I got a little rude there too...I told him I'd found my husband over 10 years ago, and we married 8 1/2 years ago. The jaw dropping was kinda funny, until his teeth almost fell out of his mouth...literally. He had dentures.
One question: Why did no one ever warn me that growing up didn't matter? Things are just as hard, if not harder than when I was a teenager. Especially since I seem to still LOOK like a freaking teen. Good for Halloween, bad for the rest of the year. (Yes, I was a teenager for Halloween...me around 14-15. I'll have pics up whenever I can figure out why my site editing is getting blocked after I turn the pop-up blocker off.)
Brilly, any advice you have would be very appreciated. Especially if you can tell me a fool-proof way to deal with all this crap and stay sane. And Brilly, thanks for thinking of me. I think I'm almost ready to come out of my self-imposed exile. I'm losing the urge to snap at people, no matter who they are.
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Thanks for updating. I'd been popping in and out and wondering how you are. I did't want to hassle you into posting if it's not what you really want to do.
ReplyDeleteYou sure have a lot of things going on all at once in your life!
Good on you for making time for yourself and putting your health, family and mental well-being before other peoples. If that makes you a selfish bitch, then so be it.
I'm sorry to say Amber that I don't have any advice. My own life isn't in such great shape and I'm really questioning my own actions and ideas.
I will say (again) that everyone tells you about the terrible 2's and the ferocious 4's. We all know about the turbulent teens but no-one ever tells you about the traumatic 20's. It's just something you have to do. We might have had firm ideas in our late teens and early twenties but eventually at sometime in our 20's we have to question them.
An example would be your Grandpas new wife. You've had the idea that she's a gold digger. Over time she doesn't seem that way. Maybe she is a gold digger but you can understand a bit more about how and where she was raised and why she wants to get out. Maybe you can also understand your grandpas need to have someone who 'loves' him and wants to look after him. You've learnt something about other people and yourself. It makes you question what you used to think and that's always hard.
I think you are right on course. Just go with it, look after the people who matter and don't waste too much emotion on the things (and people) you can't change.
Take care Amber and sorry for hijacking your comments again!!