Why didn't I realize I actually had to tell Alan when I needed him? I mean really! He didn't go out last week, so when he told me he was going out tonight, all I said was okay. I'm not angry, I just feel...well, I guess disappointed. Alan KNEW I was having a bad day. He knows that every time I've eaten, I've felt sick (if not gotten sick). He knows that I've been crying off and on all day. But he still went out.
Earlier I called him, just to see what was going on. Before saying bye, I said that I missed him and wished he was here. He got all defensive and started saying that I had said it was okay. Again, what was I supposed to say? I just said something to placate him. He in turn told me that he wasn't going to the karaoke bar, so it'll be an early night. Good. I really need someone to hold me. Luckily for Alan, that job description is filled. ;)
I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like a deflated balloon, and that the people that are supposed to be closest to me don't notice or care. If anyone wants to come to my pity party, just come on. No invitation required.
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Amber,
ReplyDeleteIt's not a pity party; it's all part of the grieving process. And, unfortunately, yes, you do need to tell Alan that you need him to be there, and not just say okay, you can go. Most men, not all, are very literal, and unless you actually TELL them, they don't know what you're feeling and why, and what they should do to help you. It's just the way they are. They don't mean to be dense, they really just don't understand the whole empathy thing, and how to deal with others feelings, and what they should do. They way they look at it; nothing they can say or do will bring her back; SO WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO DO? Many men are very sensitive, and understand all of this, but more don't than do. I wish I could be there with you, and also that I could be more help. I love you.
Lourese