Happy Birthday to me.

I made it! And I only cried when I talked to my mom. Partly from the obvious reason, and partly from anger.

Why was I angry? It's simple. My mother's husband (who I DO NOT claim as my anything) went to their doctor and got some anti-depressants for my mom. What is wrong with this picture? I called my doctor the other day. I've recently been getting migraines three to four times a week. Obviously I got the nurses' station at first. And when I explained why I wanted to talk to the doctor, he was put on the phone immediately. I did not ask for anti-depressants (even though he had prescribed them for me before). I wanted to know if there was something he could do for my migraines. After a three-day-long one, I was understandably concerned. He asked about life changes. I told him that I had very recently lost my grandmother (who was more of a mother figure to me) after a long and stressful ICU stint. He said my migraines were most likely a combination of grief and stress. Makes sense when you think of it. Anyway, he told me to give myself until December. If I still got them that frequently, he wanted to see me.

Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that my mother's doctor is a quack. What kind of doctor would prescribe anti-depressants for a woman who lost her mother barely three weeks before? Doesn't Momma DESERVE a chance to grieve and deal so she CAN move beyond? Since I have been on anti-depressants (three times so far), I know that they are to correct chemical imbalances in the brain. NOT to get someone through a time that they SHOULD be depressed. My prediction? Sure, they'll help for a while. She's on Zoloft, which is usually on a year, off a year. What's going to happen when it's time for her to go off? She'll be right where she started, only worse. If only I could get written PROOF that the doctor's a quack, I'd send it straight to the board. I promise, next time I'm in Bama and Momma's still on them, I WILL get in touch with her doctor. I will ask him what in Hades he was thinking to give my mom's hubby anti-depressants for her.

I also believe with all my heart that my mother is under emotional abuse. If James is unhappy, my mom pays for it. THAT is the only reason I'm even civil to him. EVERYONE knows I can't stand him, and MOST people know why. How do I know that my mom is emotionally abused? Simple. She is ALWAYS rationalizing his behavior, making his reactions to ANYTHING somehow not be his fault. A person might not have control over outside circumstances, but I fully believe a person has control of how they react. I don't see anyone making excuses for me. And why should they? I'm am in control of my actions and reactions. I may not think before speaking or acting, but whatever I do is just that...WHAT I DO.

Now, I'll stop rambling for now. I appreciate all the well-wishes. And overall, my bday has been a good one. I just wish Mema could have shared it with me (in person, because I KNOW she was with me), and that I hadn't gotten that news from my mom. Maybe one day she'll wake up and smell the coffee.