Okay, I hate the way everyone looks at me when I'm at the hospital. They look like they're pitying me...like I'm in denial about Mema's condition. I don't think they realize it though. I'm NOT in denial. I KNOW how bad it could be. I just choose to be positive. My positive thought may help Mema get through this. My doubts wouldn't help anyone.
Another bug: I have ALWAYS been the strong one. Even to my mother. Everyone else loses it, but I stay calm and comforting. It's been like that ever since I can remember. I'm the one everybody draws strength from, depends on, and expects to keep it together. And I have always been this way, even when I'm more messed up than everyone else combined. It's what I do. Especially now that I have A.J. and Arielle. I help everyone else deal with whatever, and then, later, I deal for myself. Alan's worried that IF the worse case scenario happens, I'll have a total nervous break-down. Well, he's wrong. I can't have a break-down and take care of everyone else too. Besides, it won't happen (more positive thinking, not denial).
And now, I have a friend who doesn't want to 'burden' me. Um, haven't I been burdening everyone sinece February? I can at least return the favor. Like I said, I'm there for others...it's what I DO. It's who I AM. I'm not changing. At least I know a few other people like me, so I'm not absolutely insane.
Now, about Mema. She opened her eyes for me this morning without any prompting. That was good, but as the day went on, she wasn't doing that so much any more. Everyone else got a bit down, but I say that 'no change' is better than worse.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Amber, Dear, you are a very special individual, and I believe you when you say you are thinking positive, and not in denial. Most people don't realize how much positive thinking can accomplish. Just keep that wonderful attitude, and let Mema know you're there, and maybe she'll draw strength from you. I'll keep praying for her and for you. You're in my thoughts from the moment I wake up, and on and off all day. I check your blog frequently, to see how things are going. I love you.
ReplyDeleteLourese